(Editor’s Note (09/01/04) – I finally found her. She was in a Disney Channel movie where this kid is a genius and he tries to recreate himself as a cool kid and chaos ensues. She plays the girl that he loves.

Finally, another great disaster flick. Although not one that makes you feel particularly good if you really think about it, but that’s not what you’re supposed to do. You’re just supposed to enjoy the fiction without the consequences.

• Yeah for Bilbo Baggins (Ian Holm)! He’s a Scottish climatologist who (supposedly) freezes to death (death not shown).

  • Assistant #1: Well, we’re almost out of petrol.

  • Assistant #2: Do you think it (the heater) will run on this? <pulls out bottle of alcohol>

  • Bilbo: What are you talking about? That’s a twelve year old bottle of scotch! <pulls out three glasses>.

• Jake Gyllenhaal was very funny.

  • His character was enjoyable, and you cared about what happened to him. Although he does have that kind of blank stare about him. It kind of made him boring. But I thought he showed emotion where it mattered.

• Dennis Quaid was all right.

  • I mean, I will always prefer Randy Quaid as the drunken fighter pilot from Independence Day, but Dennis does a good job here.

• Film was obviously predictable, but still enjoyable.

  • You could tell the instant a scene began if someone was going to die.

• Giggles of glee for certain scenes (tornado alley LA, flooding of New York, instant freeze, wolves).

  • Maybe it was all the CG, which looked really good. But just watching the tornado tear apart LA, or the 60-ft wave slam into New York was just too much fun. Then there was the wolves. As soon as I saw the wolves come on board, I just started laughing all over. Like when Shelob showed up in Return of the King. But the thing that left me stunned most of all was the freezing of New York. I had seen a behind-the-scenes on a movie channel and they talked about how the crystals would flower out from certain points, giving it a sort of realism. It just looked so good.

• What the hell was up with that one guy from the competing school?

  • His character changed instantly, which was needed for the movie’s progression, but it was too forced. One minute he’s hitting on Jake’s girl, the next he’s telling Jake to confess his love for her. It was BAD!

• Speaking of Jake’s girl, Emmy Rossum and Jake had good chemistry.

  • I think. Well, I cared about that relationship. I especially liked where she had to warm him up and he’s standing in an overcoat and boxers and she’s hugging him. He just got this look on his face like “Ohhhhhhhhhh” … well words can’t do it justice, but the guys in the audience know it (as I’m sure most of the girls do).

  • Oh, be sure to look for her later as Christine in Joel Shumacher’s “Phantom of the Opera.” I am currently of two minds about Shumacher:

    • Cons? Batman and Robin. I just hope that was a bad script.

    • Pros? Phone Booth. Holy $hit was that a good movie!

  • But Rossum is so bleeding familiar that it drives me crazy. Her resume is not stellar; she looks like a newcomer. Apparently (and thank goodness for Phantom) she has been training with opera stars since she was 7, so Phantom is guaranteed to rock.

• Heavy political overtones, but hey … what are you going to do?

  • I especially liked it when Americans started streaming into Mexico illegally. Except for the part where Mexico got pissed off and the President apologized by forgiving all (ALL?!?) of their foreign debt. That was ridiculous.

• Oh yeah, can’t forget the thrilling deaths of media people during the crisis. Funny funny stuff.

  • Billboard from the tornado just blindsided that guy like a 747 could blindside a squirrel. I mean, I’m not one to encourage senseless violence, but come on. How many times have you been pissed off at the media?

• And gosh darn it, it was filmed in Canada. What did I freaking say last time? I don’t want American movies filmed in Canada. <fumes for a second> Okay, I guess I have to forgive Roland since he gave us Stargate, Independence Day, Godzilla, AND The Patriot. But don’t ever do that again. Oh, do whatever you want, you cappie-bastich. Yes, that is my new term for people who will take their production to a foreign company NOT for the views, but for the low production costs. The movie cost 125 mil, with 50 mil in advertising, so that tacks it up to a grand total of … 174 million. Wait, I have to confirm that result with an electron microscope … <mutters “carry the four”> … I’m sorry, I meant 175 million dollars.

God Bless Michael Ramirez!

Link to his Home Page