December 26th – Happy Boxing Day!  What the heck am I supposed to do with a partridge in a pear tree?
December 27th – Two turtledoves?  What, do I cook them?  I mean using the pears as spice for my partridge flambé was nice…
December 28th – Three French hens?!?  What, do they cluck with an accent?  What’s with all the friggin’ birds? 
December 29th – Those darn calling birds won’t get off their cellphones while they’re driving! 
December 30th – The last thing I need right now is one golden ring, let alone five! 
December 31st – Are geese omelette’s a bad idea? 
January 1st – Now I’ve got seven swans in a watery ditch in front of my house…
January 2nd – Eight maids means eight cows….eight cows means….*does the math*…32 sources of milk!  And think of all that beef!  Mmmmmm! 
January 3rd – Nine ladies…are they dancing with each other?  Is it the Cupid Shuffle?  Or is there a girl left over for me? 
January 4th – Ten lords a leaping…shouldn’t that read ten gay lords?  I mean who else leaps?  I know a straight male ballerina isn’t impossible, but…
January 5th – Eleven pipers piping…I don’t have THAT big of a rat problem!  Where are the children?!?!  Kali Ma! 
January 6th – Twelve drummers drumming…are they wearing blue skullcaps or black light makeup?  Are the drums made of PVC piping?