Sequined Sequels


After watching “Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl” for the umpteenth time, it again occurred to me how structurally similar Pirates is to “The Mummy” (starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz). In Mummy, you have a girl who, with her brother, goes to the middle of the desert with a muscular tough guy, unleashes this cursed mummy upon the world and have to defeat it. In Pirates, you have a blacksmith who wants to marry a high society chick, a half-crazed pirate seeking revenge, and a Caribbean-threatening cursed pirate who wants to take over the world.

Type Of Character



Adventurous Hero

Orlando Bloom

Brendan Fraser

Comely, Intelligent Heroine

Kiera Knightly

Rachel Weisz

Drunken/Lucky Sidekick

Johnny Depp

John Hannah

World Protecting Agency British Navy Elite Egyptian Guard

World Threatening Evil

Geoffrey Rush

Arnold Vosloo

A heroine, a hero, an amusing side kick, and a world-threatening evil; where could I possibly be going with this? In “The Mummy Returns”, they brought back the hero and heroine as a married couple and gave them a kid, then put them in a race against the mummy to get to the ultimate power. Maybe Pirates 2 would be similarly scripted? As in Elizabeth and Will marry and have a little one and they join Jack on the Black Pearl in a race to a mystical power that Barbossa could use to conquer the Caribbean and then . . . THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHA! Sorry, I got a little sidetracked. But how could Barbossa be alive? Wasn’t he shot and the curse was broken and he felt cold? Could the monkey be the one calling the shots now? Wouldn’t that make for an interesting climax. Jack Sparrow and Jack the monkey battling it out for this legendary treasure and Will and Elizabeth and little Johnny Turner fighting pirates and such? Keira Knightly said she would get to do more fighting if there was a sequel. Who knows? I certainly don’t. But Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, the two guys who got screen credit for the final script, have done lots of scripts and couldn’t possibly be influenced by a Stephen Sommers film. Could they? I mean, isn’t it true that once a movie is released to the public that the scenarios presented are the intellectual property of the public? Why, the only reason not to do it like this is that people will say that it was a complete rip-off of “The Mummy Returns”. Maybe I’m reading too far into this. I think that Ted and Terry understand this phenomenon and will write a brand-spankin’ new story for Pirates 2. I mean Pirates 2 and 3. Eisner is a Matrix convert…ugh…that’s almost as scary as all those photos and Larry and Andy and their dominatrix buddies.

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